Xander We're going up against a god. An actual mightier-than-thou god.Willow Well, you know what they say, the bigger they are-Anya The faster they stomp you into nothing.
Giles All we have to worry about right now is she's immortal, invulnerable, and insane.Xander A *crazy* hellgod? And the fun just keeps on leaving.
Xander This is great long-term plan-y stuff, but what about this ... key thingy Glory's looking for?Tara Yeah, I mean, shouldn't we be trying to find it before she does?Buffy I don't think that's what we should be worrying about right now.Willow They've got a point. Whatever Glory's planning on opening with the key, I'm guessing it won't be filled with candy and flowers.Xander So where should we start looking? Do we know where it used to be kept? Who saw it last?Buffy We did. Giles and me. We, we know where it is.Xander You what?Willow You know, and you didn't tell us?Giles There were ... reasons.Buffy Look, i-if Glory knew that you guys knew where it was, I ... I-I just didn't wanna put you in that kind of danger.Xander As opposed to the other kind we're always in?Willow You should have said something.Buffy Will, there- You're right. It's time.Giles Are you sure?Buffy If they're gonna be risking their lives, they deserve to know.Xander Know what?Buffy There's something that you need to know ... about Dawn.
Buffy How was school today?Dawn Um, the usual. Big square building filled with boredom and despair.Buffy Just how I remember it.
Buffy Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me.Dawn I just think you're getting soft in your advanced age. She didn't look that tough to me>
Buffy Ohh ... it's beautiful. Thank you, guys.Tara Well, we thought you'd get lots of crossbows, other killy stuff.Willow Yeah, so we figured, less killy, more frilly.Anya Gotta look. Oh, it's just so lovely! Oh, I wish it was mine! Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing.Giles I'm fairly certain I wasn't. I've got one just like it.
Dawn Here. Open mine.Buffy It's not gonna explode, is it?Dawn It's when we visited Dad that summer in San Diego. Um, I put the shells on it myself. We picked them off the beach.Buffy I remember.Dawn Well, geez, don't get all movie-of-the-week. I was just too cheap to buy a real present.Buffy Thank you.
Dawn Geez! Lurk much?Spike I wasn't lurking. I was standing about. It's a whole different vibe.Dawn What is- Are you giving Buffy a birthday present? Oh my god. Weird. And chocolates? Lame. And the box is all bent, and, well, you know she'd never touch anything from you anyway.Spike Shouldn't you be tucked away in your beddy-bye? All warm and safe where nothing can eat you?Dawn Is that supposed to scare me?Spike Little tremble wouldn't hurt.Dawn Sorry, it's just ... come on. *I'm* badder than you.Spike Are not!Dawn Am too. You're standing in the bushes hugging a bent box of chocolates, and I'm-Spike What? Sneaking out to braid hair and watch Teletubbies with your mates?Dawn No. I'm breaking into the magic shop ... to steal things.Spike Magic shop, eh? All number of beasties between here and there. Bet they'd really go for a little red riding hood like you. Bet that wouldn't sit too well with big sister.Dawn I can take care of myself.You wanna come steal some stuff?Spike Yeah, all right.
Spike Girl with a mission, eh? What's the caper? Jewels? Ancient artifacts? Or just plain hard cash liberated from the till?Dawn A book.Spike All this for a book?
Spike„"The monks possessed the ability to transform energy, bend reality." Blah, blah, blah. Good lord, Giles writes as dull as he talks, doesn't he? "They started work. But the Council ... has suggested ... to us that they were interrupted. Presumably by ... Glory." "They obviously did manage to accomplish the taste..." "accomplish the task. They had to be certain the Slayer would protect it with her life. So they sent the key to her ... in human form. In the form of a sister." Huh! I guess that's you, nibblet. “
Buffy Maybe it's time to start a new tradition. Birthdays without boyfriends. It could be just as much fun.Willow Preaching to the choir here, baby.
Dawn Is this blood?Buffy Dawn!Joyce Oh, baby.Buffy What did you do?!Dawn This is blood, isn't it? It can't be me. I'm not a key. I'm not a thing.Joyce Oh, sweetie, no. Wha-what is this all about?Dawn What am I? Am I real? Am I anything?
Dawn Why didn't you tell me?Buffy We were going to. It just...Joyce We thought it would be better if we waited until you were older.Dawn How old am I now?Joyce You're fourteen, sweetheart, you know that.Dawn No. The monks. When did ... when did they ..Buffy Six months ago.Dawn I've only been alive for six months, huh?Joyce Honey, you've been alive a lot longer than that to us.Dawn You don't know that! You don't know anything. I'm, I'm just a key, right? Everything about me is made up.Buffy Dawn ... Mom and I know what we feel. I know I care about you. I know that I worry about you-Dawn You worry about me because you have to. I'm your job. Protect the key, right?Buffy I worry because my sister is cutting herself!Dawn Yeah? How do you know? Maybe this is just another fake memory from my fake family.Joyce Sweetheart-Dawn Get out.Buffy Dawn...Dawn Get out, get out, get out!
Spike„Morning, sunshine. If you've come around for eggs or sausage, I'm fresh out. “
Buffy How could you let her find out like that? From books and papers? You hate me that much?Spike I was just along for the ride. Not like I knew she was mystical glowy key thing. Nobody keeps me in the bloody loop, do they?Buffy You could have stopped her.Spike Oh, yeah, here it comes. Something goes wrong in your life, blame Spike. News flash, blondie. If kid sis wants to grab a midnight stroll, she'll find a way sooner or later. I just thought she'd be safer with big bad looking over her shoulder.Buffy She shouldn't have found out like that.Spike You didn't think you could keep the truth from her forever, did you? Maybe if *you* had been more honest with her in the first place, you wouldn't be trying to make yourself feel better with a round of Kick The Spike.
Buffy She tore up her room ... she burned all of her diaries.Xander The Dawnmeister Chronicles?Willow She's been keeping those since ... I mean...Buffy Since she was seven. I remember too, Will. We have to find her. Fast. Before Glory or the knights of hack-n-slash figure out what - *who* she really is. Mom's gonna stay at home in case she shows up. I figure we split up and sweep the city. Anya. Will you stay here in case she shows up? Xander, Giles, you guys take the center of town. Willow, Tara, west side. Spike, you and I'll get the east side. Just find her. Please.
Xander You know, uh ... she kinda has a crush on me.Giles Your point being?Xander Well nothing, no, uh ... just saying, powerful being ... big energy gal digging the Xan-man. Some guys are just cooler, you know?
Buffy Dawn! Dawn!Spike Yeah, that should do it.Buffy Shut up.Spike The nibblet scampered off to get away from you. She hears you bellowing, she's gonna pack it in the opposite direction. Can't say I blame her.Buffy You were right. This is my fault. I should have told her.Spike Look, she probably would have skipped off anyway, even if she never found out. She's not just a blob of energy, she's also a fourteen-year-old hormone bomb. Which one's screwing her up more right now, spin the bloody wheel. You'll find her, just in the nick of time, that's what you hero types do. You'll find her.Buffy And then what?
B
Ben Two steaming cups of chocolate goodness courtesy of ... whoever I swiped it from out of the cupboard. Couldn't find any marshmallows. I'll try to steal some for next time.Dawn Don't like 'em anyway.Ben What? Is that even possible?Dawn Too squishy. When I was five, Buffy told me they were monkey brains, and I-Ben Dawn, was your mom brought back in? Is that why you're here?Dawn No. My *mom*'s just fine.Ben Is there anybody I can call? Your sister?Dawn I don't have a sister.Ben Oh ... you two have a fight? It's okay, I know how that goes. I got a sister too. They can be a real pain sometimes. I tell you, there've been a lot of nights I wish she didn't exist either.Dawn It's not Buffy. It's me. I'm the one that doesn't exist.Ben Look, I know it can feel that way sometimes, but when you're older-Dawn No, you don't understand. It's not real. None of this. They made it.Ben Dawn-Dawn I'm nothing! I'm just a thing the monks made so Glory couldn't find me. I'm not real.Ben You're the key?Dawn How do you know about the key?Ben Go! Before she finds you. Don't ask me how she knows, 'cause she always knows. Just go.Dawn Wait! Calm down, just tell me-Ben You don't understand, you're a kid. You stay, she'll find you. She finds you, she'll hurt you.Dawn What's wrong with you?Ben You're what she's been searching for. I am telling you, run. You don't know, you - Oh god. Oh god no, she's coming. I can feel it, you've gotta get out. No ... oh no, she's here! She's here!Glory Hey, don't I know you?
G
Glory Okay. Small talk over. I'm in a bit of a crunch here, so let's cut right to the ooey gooey center. Your sister, the Slayer, has my key. It's mine, I want it. Do you know where she squirreled it away? There's ice cream and puppydogs in it for you if you start singin'.Dawn I'm not sure. What does it look like?Glory Well... the last time I caught a peep ... it was a bright green swirly shimmer. Really brought out the blue in my eyes. But then those sneaky little monks pulled an abracadabra, so now it could look like anything. You see the predicament I'm in.Dawn Maybe...Glory Yes?Dawn Well, maybe if you ... told me more about it, I'd know if I've seen it.Glory Okay.
Dawn So this ... key thing ... it's been around for a long time?Glory Well, not as long as me, but ... yeah. Just this side of forever.Dawn Is it evil?Glory Totally!Glory Well, no, not really. I guess it depends on your point of view.Dawn What's it for? I mean ... if it's a key, there's gotta be a lock, right?Glory Yes. We have a winner.Dawn S-so what does it open?
G
Glory I smell a fox in my hen house. Is that why you've been playing sugar and spice with old Uncle Ben? Trying to get a peek at Glory's unmentionables?Dawn No, I-Glory Shh! I kinda wanna hear me talking right now. Me talking. You know what I'm starting to think? I'm thinking ... that maybe you ... don't have any idea where my key is. Very irritating. Irrational. Know what I mean, tiny snapdragon? Like ... .bugs under my skin. And say, I'm feelin' a little...Dawn What's wrong with you?Glory Hey. Hey! This doesn't have to be a complete waste of my precious time. I've been meaning to send the Slayer a message. And I could use a little pick-me-up. Two birds, one stone, and Boom. You have yummy dead birds.
Buffy Get away from my sister.Glory Hey, we were just talking about you.Buffy Conversation's over, hell-bitch.
Spike I thought you said this skank was tough.Glory He wakes up, tell your boyfriend to watch his mouth.Buffy He is NOT my boyfriend.
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Glory Look what you did to my dress, you little-Willow Discede!Tara Willow!
Buffy What did you do to her?Willow Teleportation spell. Still working out the kinks.Buffy Where'd you send her?Willow Don't know. That's one of the kinks.
G
Glory„Oh, sh- “
Giles That was an incredibly ... dangerous spell for an adept at your level.Willow Yep. Won't be trying that one again soon.
Buffy Are you okay? Did she hurt you?Dawn Why do you care?Buffy Because I love you. You're my sister.Dawn No I'm not.Buffy Yes you are. Look, it's blood. It's Summers blood. It's just like mine. It doesn't matter where you came from, or, or how you got here. You are my sister. There's no way you could annoy me so much if you weren't.
Dawn Is she mad about the whole fire thing?Buffy I think you sorta have a get-out-of-jail-free card on account of big love and trauma.Dawn Really? Okay. Good. You think she'd raise my allowance?Buffy Don't push it.
Xander We're going up against a god. An actual mightier-than-thou god.Willow Well, you know what they say, the bigger they are-Anya The faster they stomp you into nothing.
Giles All we have to worry about right now is she's immortal, invulnerable, and insane.Xander A *crazy* hellgod? And the fun just keeps on leaving.
Buffy How was school today?Dawn Um, the usual. Big square building filled with boredom and despair.Buffy Just how I remember it.
Dawn Here. Open mine.Buffy It's not gonna explode, is it?Dawn It's when we visited Dad that summer in San Diego. Um, I put the shells on it myself. We picked them off the beach.Buffy I remember.Dawn Well, geez, don't get all movie-of-the-week. I was just too cheap to buy a real present.Buffy Thank you.
Spike Girl with a mission, eh? What's the caper? Jewels? Ancient artifacts? Or just plain hard cash liberated from the till?Dawn A book.Spike All this for a book?