Buffy„You know, it's probably none of my business but I just gotta ask...You smell this bad when you were alive? 'Cause if it's a post-mortem thing, then boy, is my face red...But just so you know, the fast-growing field of personal grooming has come a long way since you became a vampire. “
Buffy I can't believe I passed out. Do you think I'm a total wuss now?Riley Oh, yeah. I like a girl who can play a few hard sets of tennis with a major stab wound.Buffy You said it wasn't that bad.Riley I said I've seen worse. There's a difference.
Buffy Dawn!Dawn Sorry to interrupt the sex-capades. I just wanted to tell you that Mom's coming.Joyce Hi, Riley.Riley Hey, Mrs. Summers. How're you feeling?Joyce I'm fine, bordering on chipper and tomorrow planning on being obnoxious.Riley Glad to hear it.Joyce Buffy, when you have a minute I'd like to go over the grocery list for next week.Buffy You got it.Joyce Are you disinfecting something?Buffy Huh? Oh, uh-Dawn Mine! Some nail polish experiments are doomed before they even begin.Joyce But you keep pushing the envelope, honey.
Dawn Did I just pull a Slayer-related Mom cover-up thing? Come on, who's the man?Buffy You are. A very short, annoying man.
Xander What's with the hand move? Does that like mean something?Willow It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo".Anya It means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.Willow Ask.Xander Hey, Riley! What's the all about?Riley It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.Xander See, now he's all mad and sarcastic.Willow That's because you were doing all the yelling, Mr. Stealthy-Pants.Anya It's their fault.Riley Guys, I'm thinking if we split up, we could cover more ground. Tell you what? I'll take the cemeteries, you guys get the Bronze.Anya Are we not being covert enough?Xander We're sorry!Willow Sorry.Xander We'll be sneakier. Promise.Riley Okay. Just ditch the chips and watch my back.Willow Done.Xander You know what he's like? He's like a cat. You know, a big jungle cat. How come I'm not like that? It's just so cool.Willow I think you're cool.
Giles Here's another one. Early 18th Century Slayer.Buffy Good. Let's hope she'll be more helpful than this last one.Giles Why? What does it say?Buffy Same as all the others. Slayer called... blah, blah... great protector... blah, blah... scary battles... blah, blah... oops! She's dead. Where are the details?Giles Details? Well, it says this Slayer forged her own weapons.Buffy Gotta love a gal with an anvil. But where are the details of the Slayer's last battle? You know, what made that fight special? Why did she lose?Giles You didn't lose last night, Buffy. You just-Buffy Got really close. I slipped up, Giles. I've been training harder than ever and still I... And there's nothing in any of these books to help me understand why. I mean... look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto. If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.Giles Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...Buffy It's okay to use the D-word, Giles.Giles Dead. And hence not very forthcoming.Buffy Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.Giles Well, I suppose if they're anything like me, they just find the whole subject too-Buffy Unseemly? Damn. Love ya but you Watchers are such prigs sometimes.Giles Painful... I was going to say.Giles But you're right. Accounts of the final battles would be very helpful. But there's no one left to tell the tales. What?
Spike Ow! Wait. Not ow. You feeling all right, Slayer? This stuff usually hurts.Buffy Don't even start, Spike.Spike What do you want?Buffy Slayers. You killed two of them.Spike I did.Buffy You're gonna show me how.
Spike You know, there quite a few American beers that are highly underrated. This unfortunately is not one of them.Buffy Update, Spike. We're not here to discuss the fine choice of hops. It's about two Slayers: one in China during the Boxer Rebellion, one in New York.Buffy Both got killed by you. Tell the tale, you get the cash.Spike Right. You want to learn all about how I bested the Slayers and you want to learn fast. Right, then. We fought. I won. The end. Pay up.Buffy That's not what I-Spike What did you want, eh? A quick demo? A blow-for-blow description you can map out and memorize? It's not about the moves, love. And since I agreed to your little proposition, we can do this my way. Wings.Buffy What?Spike Spicy buffalo wings. Order me up a plate. I'm feelin' peckish.
Buffy Were you born this big a pain in the ass?Spike What can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad.
Spike Luminous... oh, no, no, no. Irradiant's better.Waiter Care for an hors d'oeuvre, sir?Spike Oh, quickly! I'm the very spirit of vexation. What's another word for "gleaming"? It's a perfectly perfect word as many words go but the bother is nothing rhymes, you see.
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Aristocrat #3 "My heart expands/'tis grown a bulge in it/inspired by your beauty, effulgent." Effulgent?Aristocrat #2 And that's actually one of his better compositions.Aristocrat #1 Have you heard? They call him William the Bloody because of his bloody awful poetry!Aristocrat #3 It suits him. I'd rather have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff!
Spike Cecily?Cecily Oh. Leave me alone.Spike Oh, they're vulgarians. They're not like you and I.Cecily You and I? I'm going to ask you a very personal question and I demand an honest answer. Do you understand? Your poetry, it's... they're... not written about me, are they?Spike They're about how I feel.Cecily Yes, but are they about me?Spike Every syllable.Cecily Oh, God!Spike Oh, I know... it's sudden and... please, if they're no good, they're only words but... the feeling behind them... I love you, Cecily.Cecily Please stop!Spike I know I'm a bad poet but I'm a good man and all I ask is that... that you try to see me-Cecily I do see you. That's the problem. You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.
D
Drusilla And I wonder... what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?Spike Nothing. I wish to be alone.Drusilla Oh, I see you. A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory. That and burning baby fish swimming all around your head.Spike That's quite close enough. I've heard tales of London pickpockets. You'll not be getting my purse, I tell you.Drusilla Don't need a purse.Drusilla Your wealth lies here... and here. In the spirit and... imagination. You walk in worlds the others can't begin to imagine.Spike Oh, yes! I mean, no. I mean... mother's expecting me.Drusilla I see what you want. Something glowing and glistening. Something... effulgent.Spike Effulgent.Drusilla Do you want it?Spike Oh, yes! God, yes.
Buffy So you traded up on the food chain. Then what?Spike No, please. Don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me. Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time. I was through living by society's rules. Decided to make a few of my own. Of course, in order to do that... I had to get myself a gang.
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Angelus Perhaps it's my advancing years that makes me so forgetful, William. Remind me. Why don't we kill you?Spike ...ike.Angelus What's that?Spike It's Spike now. You'd do well to remember it, mate.Angelus I'm not your mate. And when did you start talking like that?
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Angelus You've got me and my women hiding in the luxury of a mine shaft, all because William the Bloody likes the attention. This is not a reputation we need.Spike Oh, I'm sorry. Did I sully our good name? We're vampires.Angelus All the more reason to use a certain amount of finesse.Spike Bollocks! That stuff's for the frilly cuffs-and-collars crowd. I'll take a good brawl any day.Angelus And every time you do, we become the hunted.Darla I think our boys are going to fight.Drusilla The King of Cups expects a picnic! But this is not his birthday.Darla Good point...Spike Yeah, you know what I prefer to being hunted? Getting caught.Angelus That's a brilliant strategy really... pure cunning.Spike Sod off! Come on. When was the last time you unleashed it? All out fight in a mob, back against the wall, nothing but fists and fangs? Don't you ever get tired of fights you know you're going to win?Angelus No. A real kill. A good kill. It takes pure artistry. Without that, we're just animals.Spike Poofter!Spike Now you're gettin' it!Angelus You can't keep this up forever. If I can't teach you, maybe someday an angry crowd will. That... or the Slayer.Spike What's a Slayer?
Darla I think our boys are going to fight.Drusilla The King of Cups expects a picnic! But this is not his birthday.Darla Good point...
Spike After that, I was obsessed. I mean, to most vampires, the Slayer was the subject of cold sweat and frightened whispers. But I never hid. Hell, I sought her out. I mean, if you're looking for fun, there's death, there's glory and sod all else, right? I was young.Buffy So how'd you kill her?Spike Funny you should ask.
Spike„Become a vampire, you've got nothing to fear. Nothing but one girl. That's you, honey. Back then... it was her. “
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Drusilla„Oh, Spike, look at the wonderful mess you've made. That's a Slayer you've done in. Naughty... wicked... Spike. “
Spike„You ever hear them saying the blood of a Slayer is a powerful aphrodisiac? Here, now... have a taste. “
Darla So where have you two been?Drusilla May I tell?Spike No need to be humble.Drusilla My little Spike just killed himself a Slayer.Angel Congratulations. I guess that makes you one of us.Spike Don't be so glum, mate! The way you tell it, one Slayer snuffs it, another one rises. I figure there's a new Chosen One getting all chosen as we speak.
Spike What are you looking at?Buffy You got off on it.Spike Well, yeah. I suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of my kind reckon you've done?Buffy Not enough.Spike And we just keep coming. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the enemies of Hell besides and all we need is for one of us- just one- sooner or later to have the thing we're all hoping for.Buffy And that would be what?Spike One... good... day.Spike Hey! You asked and I'm tellin'. The problem with you, Summers, is you've gotten so good, you're starting to think you're immortal.Buffy Not really. I just know I can handle myself.Spike Oh? Then how do you explain this?Buffy So that's it? Lesson over?Spike Not even close. Come on.
Spike Lesson the second: ask the right questions. You want to know how I beat 'em? The question isn't "How'd I win?". The question is "Why'd they lose?".Buffy What's the difference?Spike There's a big difference, love.
Spike The first was all business but the second, she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful... oh, did I mention? Hot. I could have danced all night with that one.Buffy You think we're dancing?Spike That's all we've ever done. And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second- that happens...You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson.
Spike I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did.Buffy Get out of my sight. Now.Spike Oh... did I scare ya? You're the Slayer. Do something about it. Hit me. Come on. One good swing. You know you want to.Buffy I mean it.Spike So do I. Give it me good, Buffy. Do it!Buffy Spike...Buffy What the hell are you doing?Spike Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you want to dance.Buffy Say it's true. Say I do want to. It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. You're beneath me.
Harmony Okay, I'm trying to be supportive here so don't drive a stake through my heart like last time, but you can't kill Buffy. She's the Slayer. She is so gonna kick your ass.Spike I've got two barrels here that'll prove you wrong.Harmony I knew you'd take this personally. You are so sensitive! How are you going to kill her? Think! The second you even point that thing at her, you're gonna be all ahhh! And then you'll get bitch-slapped up and down Main Street unless she's had enough and just stakes you!Spike Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours... But she'll be dead just a little longer than that.
Buffy What do you want now?Spike What's wrong?Buffy I don't want to talk about it.Spike Is there something I can do?
Buffy„You know, it's probably none of my business but I just gotta ask...You smell this bad when you were alive? 'Cause if it's a post-mortem thing, then boy, is my face red...But just so you know, the fast-growing field of personal grooming has come a long way since you became a vampire. “
Dawn Did I just pull a Slayer-related Mom cover-up thing? Come on, who's the man?Buffy You are. A very short, annoying man.
Xander What's with the hand move? Does that like mean something?Willow It's code. I think it breaks down to "choo-choo".Anya It means to follow him. That, or wait here for him.Willow Ask.Xander Hey, Riley! What's the all about?Riley It means yell real loud so the vampires who don't know we're coming will have a sporting chance.Xander See, now he's all mad and sarcastic.Willow That's because you were doing all the yelling, Mr. Stealthy-Pants.Anya It's their fault.Riley Guys, I'm thinking if we split up, we could cover more ground. Tell you what? I'll take the cemeteries, you guys get the Bronze.Anya Are we not being covert enough?Xander We're sorry!Willow Sorry.Xander We'll be sneakier. Promise.Riley Okay. Just ditch the chips and watch my back.Willow Done.Xander You know what he's like? He's like a cat. You know, a big jungle cat. How come I'm not like that? It's just so cool.Willow I think you're cool.
Giles Here's another one. Early 18th Century Slayer.Buffy Good. Let's hope she'll be more helpful than this last one.Giles Why? What does it say?Buffy Same as all the others. Slayer called... blah, blah... great protector... blah, blah... scary battles... blah, blah... oops! She's dead. Where are the details?Giles Details? Well, it says this Slayer forged her own weapons.Buffy Gotta love a gal with an anvil. But where are the details of the Slayer's last battle? You know, what made that fight special? Why did she lose?Giles You didn't lose last night, Buffy. You just-Buffy Got really close. I slipped up, Giles. I've been training harder than ever and still I... And there's nothing in any of these books to help me understand why. I mean... look, I realize that every Slayer comes with an expiration mark on the package. But I want mine to be a long time from now. Like a Cheeto. If there were just a few good descriptions of what took out the other Slayers, maybe it would help me to understand my mistake, to keep it from happening again.Giles Yes, well, the problem is after a final battle, it's difficult to get any... well, the Slayer's not... she's rather...Buffy It's okay to use the D-word, Giles.Giles Dead. And hence not very forthcoming.Buffy Why didn't the Watchers keep fuller accounts of it? The journals just stop.Giles Well, I suppose if they're anything like me, they just find the whole subject too-Buffy Unseemly? Damn. Love ya but you Watchers are such prigs sometimes.Giles Painful... I was going to say.Giles But you're right. Accounts of the final battles would be very helpful. But there's no one left to tell the tales. What?
Spike Ow! Wait. Not ow. You feeling all right, Slayer? This stuff usually hurts.Buffy Don't even start, Spike.Spike What do you want?Buffy Slayers. You killed two of them.Spike I did.Buffy You're gonna show me how.
Darla I think our boys are going to fight.Drusilla The King of Cups expects a picnic! But this is not his birthday.Darla Good point...
Harmony Okay, I'm trying to be supportive here so don't drive a stake through my heart like last time, but you can't kill Buffy. She's the Slayer. She is so gonna kick your ass.Spike I've got two barrels here that'll prove you wrong.Harmony I knew you'd take this personally. You are so sensitive! How are you going to kill her? Think! The second you even point that thing at her, you're gonna be all ahhh! And then you'll get bitch-slapped up and down Main Street unless she's had enough and just stakes you!Spike Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours... But she'll be dead just a little longer than that.