Giles Uh, yes, yes, we, we're here for a reason. I've had some rather, uh ... well, I've had some news. It seems that the Council of Watchers has ... found some information that may help us out.Buffy About Glory?Giles Presumably. We'll find that out when they ... arrive. Could be very important.Buffy Arrive? They're coming here? Now? W-why do they have to come here?Xander Yeah, don't they have phones? "Allo, Buffy, here's some stuff we know, pip pip."Buffy Yeah! Phones. See, I'd like them on phones.Tara Well, what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, Watchers, that's just like other Gileses, right?Buffy Yeah, they're scary and horrible!Giles Um, they, well, they can appear a bit ... well, uh, hard-nosed, but, uh, well, essentially, their agenda is the same as ours, they want to save the world and kill demons.Anya Kill the current demons, right? *Current* demons.Buffy Giles, I don't want them to come here. I don't trust them. Make them not come here.Giles They're probably already on their way. Our old friend Quinton Travers is ... heading up the delegation.Buffy They put me through that test, and it almost killed me. And then, when I was Faith, they almost killed me again. Honestly, I really can't handle almost being killed right now.Anya I don't like the sound of this. They don't sound very ex-demon-compatible.Tara Are you sure they're English? I-I thought English people were, um, gentler, then, uh, normal...Willow Maybe it won't be so bad this time. I mean, Buffy, they did think you were Faith last time. Now that they know you're just you, maybe they won't care enough to kill you.Buffy It's not just that. They're gonna screw everything up. I-it's a delicate time right now. I-I have to take care of Dawn, and-Xander But that's not new, you've always taken care of her.Buffy Right. Right, I, I know that, it's just, you know, there's, there's Glory, and...and I don't need the Council looking over my shoulder when I don't even know what we're dealing with.Giles Well, that's precisely why we need to talk to them.
Anya„Hey! Giles, what are they doing? Customers! Please bring your money back. “
Giles You knew you were gonna do this before you even saw the place.Travers I'm sorry. It's just for the duration of the Council's review.Anya Council? You're the Council? Welcome to our store. We're closed now. I'll be in the back.Giles What review, Quinton? Let's just stop a moment and talk about this.Travers Miss, excuse me, you, uh, you work here?Anya Yes I do. Ever since I moved here from southeastern Indiana, where I was raised by both a mother and a father.Giles Anya, just go. You don't have to talk to him. She works for me. Now tell me about this review. No one said anything to me about this.Travers Let's sit down and talk about it over here.
Giles You all stand around and look somber. Good job.Travers You used to respect us, Giles. You used to be one of us.Giles You used to pay me. If you recall, firing me was not my idea.Travers Touche. But you were on the inside once. You know what sort of resources we command.
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Travers We've discovered information about this creature, your Glory. Some of it is clearly vital, the rest merely extremely disturbing. And it won't be handed over until we're convinced that you and your Slayer are prepared for it. Thus the review.Giles I'm not having you put her through another one of your insane tests.Travers It's not a test. It's a check of her methods. We need to know that this information is safe.Giles You can trust her. Buffy's come very far recently. She's acquired a remarkable focus.
Buffy Spike ... why did you do that?Spike Not for money, if that's what you're thinking. Your heartfelt gratitude's plenty. I expect I'll be getting that any moment.Buffy Gratitude. For getting in my way?Spike Ge-getting in your way? I saved you.Buffy I was regrouping.Spike You were about to be regrouped into separate piles. You needed help.Buffy I didn't need you. I never need you, Spike.
Spike Oh, I get it. You just don't like who did the rescuin', that's all. Wishin' I was your boyfriend what's-his-face. Oh wait, he's run off.Buffy You know what? I don't need a boyfriend, to rescue me or for any other reason.Spike Don't need or can't keep? You keep making notches in the headboard but eventually they get up out of the bed and run off, don't they?Buffy You're disgusting.Spike Oh, rough talk. Maybe that's your problem, maybe you push 'em away. Or is it the other? Maybe you cling too much. Or maybe ... your beauty's fading. The stress of slaying, aging you prematurely. Things not as high, not as firm.Buffy You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't.Spike Or maybe you just don't hold their interest.
Buffy Mr. Travers.Travers Giles has just been telling us of your training regimen. Perhaps you'll favor us with a demonstration while we're here.Buffy Right now?Travers No need to rush you.Giles They're ... staying a little longer than I'd anticipated.Travers We've already laid out our project for Mr. Giles.
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Travers Nigel?Nigel It's an exhaustive examination of your procedures and abilities. We'll observe your training, talk to your friends...Buffy Talk to my friends?Travers Yes, we understand you're still taking civilians out on patrols.Buffy Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.Travers Buffy ... I can sense your resistance, and I don't blame you. But I think your Watcher hasn't reminded you lately of the resolute status of the players in our little game. The Council fights evil. The Slayer is the instrument by which we fight. The Council remains, the Slayers change. It's been that way from the beginning,Giles Well, that's a very comforting, bloodless way of looking at it, isn't it?Travers Giles, let me talk to Buffy, because I think she's understanding me. Glory is stronger than you. She's a more powerful instrument, if you will. We can help you. We have information that will help. Pass the review and we give it to you without reservation. Fail the review, either through incompetence, or by resisting our recommendations...Giles Resisting your recommendations? She fails if we don't do whatever you say! How much under your thumb do you think we are?Travers How much do you want our help?Giles She's not your bloody instrument and you have no right to do any of this!Buffy Giles!Travers I understand you think this is unfair. But there are factors which should motivate you to go along with the review. Now, I don't want to do this, but obviously we could shut this place down permanently.Buffy You can't do that. You don't have that kind of power.Travers Of course we do, and a great deal more. In fact, if you insist on fighting us, we'll arrange to have Mr. Giles deported within the day. Never set foot in this country again. Now perhaps you're used to idle threats and sloppy discipline, Miss Summers, but you're dealing with grownups now. Am I making myself clear?
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Glory Why won't he help? He knows her. He could go to her ... he could talk to her ... he could seduce her and bang the key out of her!Jinx He is quite attractive.Glory Well, of course he's attractive! But he drives me insane. Know what I mean?Jinx He drives you insane?Glory Yeah! That's it exactly! Oh. Sweet lumpy minion. You're the only one that understands. Probably cause I haven't sucked your brain out yet. He makes me so mad... if I could just ... get my hands on him...You know? I'll just find her myself.
Giles It's a power play, that's what it is. It's about who has the power.Buffy I'm guessing they do? Big power outage in Buffy county?Giles I should have set you loose on them, that's what I should have done.Buffy Giles, that Travers guy is like sixty. I can't hit him. Can I?Giles I suppose not. Well, I could. I think I will.
Buffy Can they really do the stuff they threatened? Kick you out the country?Giles In a heartbeat. See, the rough stuff, they're all right out there, a bit ham-handed, but they get it done, but, uh ... this stuff, the, uh, bureaucracy, the pulling of political strings, they're the best in the world. They can kill you with the stroke of a pen. Poncy sods.
Buffy Am I gonna be able to get through this review?Giles Well, I..... I suppose they'll make it as difficult as they want to. The physical stuff could be a bit of a challenge.Buffy That's not what I'm worried about. It's the other stuff. Examining decisions I've made. I mean, twice now I've been within slaying distance of Glory, and twice she's kicked my ass without even tensing a muscle. And I haven't been able to figure out ... what she is, or anything about her except that she wants the key, which I have, and I can't even figure out if it's okay for me to tell anyone that.Giles Buffy, no one could have done any better than you.Buffy But no one else is gonna be asked the questions that I can't answer. They're gonna expect me to ... to be like a Slayer and, and know stuff, but I'm just me and I don't know anything, and they're gonna go away, and they're not gonna tell me how to fight Glory, and I'm not gonna be able to protect Dawn.Giles Buffy, calm down. The scandal here is not anything you've done wrong, it's the way they're behaving. Holding what they know hostage with a gun pointed at my bleeding green card, no less. It's humiliating.Buffy Also smart. They picked the perfect thing. I can't lose you.Giles Thank you.
Anya Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger, and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.Philip So, you spell it A-N-Y-A, yes?Anya Yes.Philip Fine, now we can get to the questions.
Willow Questions, great.Tara Well, we can answer questions.Nigel Good. I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.Tara O-o-our relationship?Willow We're friends.Tara Good friends.Willow Girlfriends, actually.Tara Yes, we're girlfriends.Willow We're in love. We're ... lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.Nigel I meant your relationship with the Slayer.Tara Um, just good friends.
Xander *Best* friends. Willow and me and Buffy. The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and uh, done demon research with her and everything.Philip Have you mastered any fighting disciplines over the years?Xander No.Philip So, you have no special skills, or powers, or knowledge that you bring to the mix. Neither of you.Anya Just enthusiasm for killing the demons. Go deadness for the demons.Xander I don't have any powers, but I do help.Philip How? Be specific.Xander Last year, uh, Willow, Giles and me combined our essences with Buffy, which isn't as weird as it sounds. We merged, and I was the heart part of a super-Buffy. Again, let me stress the not-as-weird thing.Anya I'm told it was all very professional.Nigel Are you saying that the Slayer needs that level of help from you often?
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Nigel Interesting. What level are you at?Tara Level?Nigel Magical proficiency level?Willow Oh! Uh, high, a high level. Very high. One of those ... top levels.Tara Five!Nigel And you're registered as practicing witches under the names as you gave them to me?Tara R-registered?Willow Oh yes! Yes, of course we're-Tara ...r-r-registered.
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Philip Do either of you know anything about the key?Anya Nope, but it sounds demony to me. I don't hold with that demon nonsense. Muffin? I cooked them myself.
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Watcher #2 But we understand that you *help* the Slayer.Spike I pitch in when she pays me.Watcher2 She pays you? She gives you money?Spike Money, a little nip of blood out of some stray victim, whatever.Watcher2 Blood?Spike Well, if they're gonna die anyway. Come to think of it, though, that's a bit scandalous, isn't it? Personally, I'm shocked. The girl's slipping.Watcher2 You've noticed a decline in her work?Spike Oh, yeah. See, the poor little twig can't keep a man. Gets her all down. Few more disappointments, she'll be cryin' on my shoulder, mark my words.Watcher2 Is that what you want? I'd think you'd want to kill her. You've killed Slayers before.Spike Heard of me, have you?Watcher2 I ... wrote my thesis on you.Spike Well, well. Isn't that neat. Tell me, pet, now we're such good friends, how's the Slayer doing? Is she okay? High marks in all categories?
Giles Punch him.Buffy Thanks, Giles.Giles Sorry.Travers (Japanese)Giles Uh...back kick, elbow-...elbow...strike.Travers How have you been training her?Giles I've trained her to win.
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Glory So ... this is where the Slayer eats, sleeps, and..combs her hair? Oh... so cute. I can't even stand it. Personally? I need more space, but uh, this is good for you, it's, it's so quaint, and... Buffy... If I wanted to fight, you could tell by the being dead already. So play nice, little girl.Buffy What do you want?Glory The key. Why else do you think I'd come here? See, I think you know where it is. And that's a good thing.Buffy I'm glad you think so.Glory Well, it's the only thing keeping you alive right now. Because you may be tiny queen in vampire world...Glory ...but to me, you're a bug. You should get down on your knees and worship me! But oh, no, you still think it's neat having Slayer strength. Ooh, big deal! Stronger than humans! Who isn't? I could crush the life from you as easy as you'd break a nail. But I need the key. Kid!
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Glory And you are just the darlin'-est thing I ever did see in my life. What's your name, honey?Dawn Dawn.Glory Dawn? Did you know your sister took my key, Dawnie? And she won't give it back! I bet you know where she put it, don't you?Buffy She doesn't know anything.Dawn I know some stuff.Glory I bet she takes your stuff all the time without asking, doesn't she? Where's my key, Dawn?Buffy Go upstairs, Dawn.Dawn You're always talking about stuff I'm not supposed to hear. I'm gonna figure it out, you know.Glory Ooh, I like her. She's sassy. And I'll kill her. I'll kill your mom, I'll kill your friends ... and I'll make you watch when I do. Just give me the key. You either have it or you know where to find it. Obviously, this is a one-time-only deal. Next time we meet, something you love dies bloody. You know you can't take me. You know you can't stop me.
Spike So, what's with the family outing?Buffy I need your help.Spike Great. I need your cash.Buffy I'm serious. You have to look after them.Spike Well, that's a boatload of manly responsibility to come flying out of nowhere. What's the matter, Slayer? You're not feeling a hundred percent?Buffy No.Spike They didn't put a chip in your head, did they?Buffy No!Spike Be funny if they did.Buffy Spike, I need an answer. Now. In or out? You're the only one strong enough to protect them.Spike All right then. Ladies... Come on in. There's plenty of blood in the fridge.Dawn Do you mean like, real blood?Spike What do you think?Dawn Mostly I think "ew."Buffy Keep Dawn here as long as you can. I'll be back soon.Joyce Okay.Buffy I don't think I need to remind you, but-Spike Yeah, yeah, "anything happens to 'em I'll stake you good and proper." Sing me a new one sometime, eh? That bit's gone stale.
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Joyce I, I love what you've, um, neglected to do with the place.Spike Just don't break anything. And don't make a lot of noise. Passions is coming on.Joyce Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?Spike Oh! No, no, she can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for god's sake.Joyce Uh, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.
Xander Look at them. Big tough Council members pickin' on the books.Willow Fascists.Tara Why doesn't Mr. Giles put them all out of here?Xander Because if they deport him, they're not just destroying his career, they're ... condemning the man to a lifetime diet of blood sausage, bangers, and mash.
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Knight One soldier in a vast army.Buffy What army?Knight The Knights of Byzantium, an ancient order. And now your enemy.Buffy You work for Glory?Knight You think we align ourselves with the beast? You must be mad.Buffy You're the ones tried killing me.Knight No, we were fools, three alone. But if it takes a hundred men, we send a hundred men, and if it takes a thousand, we send a thousand.Buffy A thousand?Knight So long as you protect the key, the brotherhood will never stop until we destroy it and you. You are the Slayer, and we know what we must do. Now, be done with it. Kill us, and let legions follow.
Buffy There isn't gonna be a review.Travers Sorry?Buffy No review. No interrogation. No questions you *know* I can't answer. No hoops, no jumps - and no interruptions. See ... I've had a lot of people talking at me the last few days. Everyone just lining up to tell me how unimportant I am. And I've finally figured out why. Power. I have it. They don't. This bothers them. Glory ... came to my home today.Giles Buffy, are you-Buffy Just to talk. She told me I'm a bug, I'm a flea, she could squash me in a second. Only she didn't. She came into my home, and we talked. We had what in her warped brain probably passes for a civilized conversation. Why? (pauses) Because she needs something from me. Because I have power over her. You guys didn't come all the way from England to determine whether or not I was good enough to be let back in. You came to beg me to let you back in. To give your jobs, your lives some semblance of meaning.Nigel This is beyond insolenceBuffy I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions.Xander That was excellent!Buffy You're Watchers. Without a Slayer, you're pretty much just watchin' Masterpiece Theater. You can't stop Glory. You can't do anything with the information you have except maybe publish it in the "Everyone Thinks We're Insane-O's Home Journal." So here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna tell me everything you know. Then you're gonna go away. You'll contact me if and when you have any further information about Glory. The magic shop will remain open. Mr. Giles will stay here as my official Watcher, reinstated at full salary...Giles Retroactive.Buffy ...to be paid retroactively from the month he was fired. I will continue my work with the help of my friends...Watcher2 I, uh, I ... don't want a sword thrown at me, but, but, civilians, I - we're talking about children.Buffy We're talking about two very powerful witches and a thousand-year-old ex-demon.Anya Willow's a demon?!Philip The boy? No power there.Buffy The boy has clocked more field time than all of you combined. He's part of the unit.Willow That's Riley-speak.Xander I've clocked field time.Buffy Now. You all may be very good at your jobs. The only way we're gonna find out is if you work with me. You can all take your time thinking about that. But I want an answer right now from Quinton, 'cause I think he's understanding me.Travers Uh, your terms are acceptable.
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Travers Uh, Rupert.Giles Quinton?Travers When we inventoried your shop, we found a bottle of single malt scotch behind the, uh, incense holders.Giles Well, it's, it's not, you know, during working hours.Travers I think I could use a glass.Giles Well, I suppose we could-Buffy Just a minute. Glory. I wanna know.Travers Well, there's a lot to go through.Buffy Just tell me what kind of demon I'm fighting.Travers Well, that's the thing, you see. Glory isn't a demon.Buffy What is she?Travers She's a god.Buffy Oh.
Giles Uh, yes, yes, we, we're here for a reason. I've had some rather, uh ... well, I've had some news. It seems that the Council of Watchers has ... found some information that may help us out.Buffy About Glory?Giles Presumably. We'll find that out when they ... arrive. Could be very important.Buffy Arrive? They're coming here? Now? W-why do they have to come here?Xander Yeah, don't they have phones? "Allo, Buffy, here's some stuff we know, pip pip."Buffy Yeah! Phones. See, I'd like them on phones.Tara Well, what's so bad about them coming here? Aren't they good guys? I mean, Watchers, that's just like other Gileses, right?Buffy Yeah, they're scary and horrible!Giles Um, they, well, they can appear a bit ... well, uh, hard-nosed, but, uh, well, essentially, their agenda is the same as ours, they want to save the world and kill demons.Anya Kill the current demons, right? *Current* demons.Buffy Giles, I don't want them to come here. I don't trust them. Make them not come here.Giles They're probably already on their way. Our old friend Quinton Travers is ... heading up the delegation.Buffy They put me through that test, and it almost killed me. And then, when I was Faith, they almost killed me again. Honestly, I really can't handle almost being killed right now.Anya I don't like the sound of this. They don't sound very ex-demon-compatible.Tara Are you sure they're English? I-I thought English people were, um, gentler, then, uh, normal...Willow Maybe it won't be so bad this time. I mean, Buffy, they did think you were Faith last time. Now that they know you're just you, maybe they won't care enough to kill you.Buffy It's not just that. They're gonna screw everything up. I-it's a delicate time right now. I-I have to take care of Dawn, and-Xander But that's not new, you've always taken care of her.Buffy Right. Right, I, I know that, it's just, you know, there's, there's Glory, and...and I don't need the Council looking over my shoulder when I don't even know what we're dealing with.Giles Well, that's precisely why we need to talk to them.
Anya„Hey! Giles, what are they doing? Customers! Please bring your money back. “
Buffy Spike ... why did you do that?Spike Not for money, if that's what you're thinking. Your heartfelt gratitude's plenty. I expect I'll be getting that any moment.Buffy Gratitude. For getting in my way?Spike Ge-getting in your way? I saved you.Buffy I was regrouping.Spike You were about to be regrouped into separate piles. You needed help.Buffy I didn't need you. I never need you, Spike.
Spike Oh, I get it. You just don't like who did the rescuin', that's all. Wishin' I was your boyfriend what's-his-face. Oh wait, he's run off.Buffy You know what? I don't need a boyfriend, to rescue me or for any other reason.Spike Don't need or can't keep? You keep making notches in the headboard but eventually they get up out of the bed and run off, don't they?Buffy You're disgusting.Spike Oh, rough talk. Maybe that's your problem, maybe you push 'em away. Or is it the other? Maybe you cling too much. Or maybe ... your beauty's fading. The stress of slaying, aging you prematurely. Things not as high, not as firm.Buffy You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn't.Spike Or maybe you just don't hold their interest.
Willow Questions, great.Tara Well, we can answer questions.Nigel Good. I need to know a little bit more about the Slayer, and about the both of you. Your relationship, whatever you can tell me.Tara O-o-our relationship?Willow We're friends.Tara Good friends.Willow Girlfriends, actually.Tara Yes, we're girlfriends.Willow We're in love. We're ... lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers.Nigel I meant your relationship with the Slayer.Tara Um, just good friends.
Xander *Best* friends. Willow and me and Buffy. The three of us have been together from the beginning. We've always gone on patrols, and uh, done demon research with her and everything.Philip Have you mastered any fighting disciplines over the years?Xander No.Philip So, you have no special skills, or powers, or knowledge that you bring to the mix. Neither of you.Anya Just enthusiasm for killing the demons. Go deadness for the demons.Xander I don't have any powers, but I do help.Philip How? Be specific.Xander Last year, uh, Willow, Giles and me combined our essences with Buffy, which isn't as weird as it sounds. We merged, and I was the heart part of a super-Buffy. Again, let me stress the not-as-weird thing.Anya I'm told it was all very professional.Nigel Are you saying that the Slayer needs that level of help from you often?