Das Bier der bösen Denkungsart

Buffy?

Buffy

Parker? Stay down.

Buffy!!!

Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life

Buffy

It's nothing.

It's everything. You're everything. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me. Do you think one day you might .

These are the things we want. Simple things. Comfort, sex, shelter, food. We always want them and we want them all the time. The id doesn't learn it doesn't grow up. It has the ego telling it what it can't have and it has the superego telling it what it should want. But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle. It wants. Whatever social skills you've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principal is at work in all of us. So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can't have what we want?

Buffy, I don't know what to say. After the way I've treated you, and now I owe you my life.

Can you ever forgive me?

Xander

Rough day? Come on Buff. Be a lonely drunk. Rough day?

Buffy

Stop flicking at me.

Xander

Work with me here. I'm finally an essential part of your collegy life. No more looking down o n the townie. I'm the new bartender over at the pub. Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face

Willow

aren't you two young to be a bartender?

Xander

Oh contraire, mon frere.

Buffy

mon frere means brother

Xander

mon girlfrere. Behold (holds up a fake id) Behold.

Willow

I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.

Xander

What gives it away?

Willow

looking at it.

Xander

Well no one's going to see it anyway. Now I'm the bartender. I kick people out

Buffy

You know there's more to it than wiping and kicking. Mixing drinks for instance.

Xander

Well, I've seen cocktail. I can do the hippy-hippy shake.

Buffy

Well, even if I've had a pretend cigarette I couldn't tell you my pretend problems. The real ones have clogged up my headspace.

Xander

ooh unload em right here baby. Rough day? You wanna talk about it? Shutting up now.

Willow

I'm pregnant by my stepbrother who'd rather be with my best friend whose left me with no place to live. No food except this bottle of wild turkey which I drank all up.

Willow

That was me being tanked and friendless for ya.

Xander

Gets my Oscar nod

Buffy

You know what? It's classtime.

Xander

So are you going to come by tonight to the pub?

Willow

Oz. Bronze. Date.

Buffy

You know maybe, maybe he's just having trouble dealing. I mean, don't guys sometimes put the girl they really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect? They do that right?

Xander

How's that fugue state coming along

Willow

Parker.

Buffy

Maybe I'm in his bubble and then pretty soon he's going to realize that he wants more than just bubble Buffy and he'll pop me out and we'll go to dinner and it could happen right?

Willow

Buffy. And as my best friend you need to stop thinking about Parker. He's no good. There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.

Xander

Nothing can defeat the penis! Too loud, very unseemly.

Willow

I mean, I'm sorry do be so course but I feel strongly about stinky Parker man

Buffy

He can be really sweet. I'm telling you I think he had intimacy problems because of the death of his father.

Willow

Not interested. You got troubles, tell em to the bartender.

Xander

That's right. Cause the bartender's always ready to listen.

Xander

What? What? Okay and you had a rum and coke, and you had a poker's light. And a vodka on the rocks. And a water. Is that right?

Xander

Ice water, right. Do you want that on the rocks?

Buffy

Oooh. Riley, I'm so sorry.

Riley

That's okay you know, but most people go around. I'm not saying you can't go through me, It's just that the other is much quicker.

Buffy

In my defense you do take up a lot of space.

Riley

I do. I'm (??). You looking for someone?

Buffy

Um, I just saw Parker over there.

Riley

right. Parker and his latest conquest. You know that boy should have (??)

Buffy

he's kinda a girl chaser huh?

Riley

sets em up and knock's em down. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned but my father says that if you wanna be a gentleman you

Riley

don't even care what my father says.

Buffy

I'm sorry what?

Riley

forget about it. You know I've got some people waiting. I'll see you in class right?

Xander

Rough Day?

Nay, it's been super. We accepted Melody's pledge. And made her an official sister of Beta Delta Gamma. And our pins arrived today. I designed it myself.

Xander

You are so sharp.

Hey Paula. You keeping this fine bartender from his duty? A man's gotta make a living.

Xander

s'all right.

So the guys and I are about to celebrate

Xander

Uh, I said it was all right. I'm due for a break.

Oh, so what were you discussing. Maybe we could all join.

Be nice

What?

Xander

ah, forget it.

Oh, no I rudely interrupted and it sounds like the two of you were having quite the meeting of minds. Possibly debating the geopolitical ramifications of bioengineering. You got a take on that?

Xander

I've got beer. You want some beer.

Yeah, a pitcher of Black Frost. You see I think we have a perfect venue here for conducting a little sociometry. A bi-polar continuum of attraction and rejection. No given your sociological statuses. I foresee a B rejects A dyad. I'm sorry, lemme clarify. You see, we are the future of this country and you keep our bowl of peanuts full. We are what these girls want. And uh, four glasses.

Xander

How's about I see some ID cause you're not seeing a drop until I'm satisfied that

Just give em a beer

Xander

Buffy? Rough day? Wanna tell me about it?

Buffy

It's just . Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get enough of it. And knew it. I knew what he was. If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave that vampires happen to frequent it wouldn't really be like I killed him really

Xander

Buffy

Buffy

I'm a slut

Xander

No

Buffy

Idiot

Xander

No. You gotta stop being so hard on.

Hey

Xander

Sorry, so sorry.

Buffy

I'm better. This has helped.

Xander

Do NOT go anywhere.

Buffy

Oh, oh. I'm so sorry I just keep running into people today.

Oz

Hey. You got a table.

Willow

I had to kill a man.

Oz

Well, it's a really good table

Willow

I copied out my notes for Psyche since you were so elsewhere this morning.

Oz

Thanks

Willow

It's really pretty simple stuff. You know, just what's the matter.

Oz

I dunno. I feel It's nothing.

Willow

We could go back to your place. I could make you soup.

Oz

No. That's okay I'm fine. Thanks.

Willow

Do you know her?

Oz

Veruca? No. I know their drummer. He's cool. I've never heard them play.

Chug, chug, chug, chug

Buffy

My mother always said that beer was evil

Buffy

I'm really not sure:

Buffy

You guys really like to hear yourselves speak don't ya

Buffy

Well, I don't hate this for a start.

Willow

My name's Veruca. I'm in a band. I'm Oz, I'm in a band too. Oh, and this is Willow. Oh, how fun and creepy. Groovy. Buff, have you heard of this Veruca chick? Dresses like Faith, voice like an albatross.

Buffy

(watching MTV) TV is a good thing. Bright colours. Music. Tiny little people.

Willow

What did you do with Buffy

Buffy

I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness

Willow

You didn't. Not with Parker again.

Buffy

No, with four really smart guys.

Willow

Four? Oh. Ow. Oh Buffy, are you okay? Do you wanna talk about it?

Buffy

I went to see Xander. Then I saw Parker. Then came beer.

Willow

And then group sex?

Buffy

(Hits her) Gutter face. No! Just lots and lots of beer. It's nice. Foamy. Comforting. It's just beer.

Willow

Drowning your troubles over Parker. Mind frying man! He deserves a slow and torturous death by spiderbites. Well, for today we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class.

Buffy

Okay. (Gets up to leave in her pjs)

Willow

Uh (stops her) getting dressed would be fun to.

Next class we'll be moving on to personality types and disorders. For those of you who have done the reading you already know (sees Buffy's hand up) yes?

Buffy

She read the reading.

well, she'll have some time on her hands. As I was saying. We won't be able to cover it all in the class but that doesn't mean it isn't work knowing and it doesn't mean it won't be on the mid-term. Now, if I've been unclear in any way. Speak now.

Willow

Buffy!! Buffy are you okay?

Good. Now before you go. Make sure you get the complete worksheet from the TA. Based on that do (?) and hand them to me at the start of the class on Monday. Buffy: (with her mouth full) Yeah, why wouldn't I be.

Buffy

This good. Ooh, good enough.

Buffy

yeah. Foamy.

Boy, I'm having the worst day. You got a light?

Buffy

You stupid

Buffy

smelly head

Oz

Willow. Hey. I tried calling

Willow

Yeah, I've been up at the library. How are you feeling?

Oz

What do you mean?

Willow

well, you weren't in class. Again.

Oz

Yeah, I was practicing. Hey Shy's playing again tonight

Willow

Shy?

Oz

yeah, Veruca's band and they asked me to sit in with them. It would be kinda cool if you were there.

Willow

Two Veruca shows in two nights. Are you sure you wanna share your groupie? I think I'm gonna study. Because of the fun.

Oz

well, yeah I guess how I could see it be dull for ya.

Willow

See ya (she turns around and leaves)

Oz

Yeah. (He looks hurt and leaves)

Buffy

No you. (They all laugh)

Buffy

You (they all laugh)

Xander

It's time to go home Buffy

Buffy

Want more singing. Want more beer

Xander

No, I've cut you off.

Buffy

did it hurt

Xander

Out you go.

Buffy

Ow, oh, want beer. Like beer. Beer good.

Xander

Beer Bad. Bad, bad beer. What the hell am I saying? Buffy, go home and go to bed.

Buffy

Say bye (pushes him)

Xander

Bye

Buffy

Bye (she leaves)

Hey. Did you want something?

Willow

Yes. I wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I'm tired of you men and your manness. Buffy's really hurting right now. In fact she's in need of a big mental tidy. Parker how could you do this to her?

Oh, I don't get what you mean. What did I do?

Willow

She shared something very intimate with you. And you act like it's nothing more than a bag of some kind of snack food

Willow, I'm not sure I need to explain my actions here but if that's what you want

Willow

Yes followed by an admission of undeniable guilt. But go on. (She sits down with him)

some relationships center on a deep emotional tie. Or a loyal friendship. Or something. But most are just two people passing through life enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly.

Willow

Go on

Just for one night can't two people who feel an attraction come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to their lives the next day better for it but never over analyzing it or wanting it to be more than it was? I have. She should too.

Willow

People like Buffy a-and me assume that intimacy means friendship and respect. People shouldn't have to ask first if you're going to be eyeing other prospects tomorrow.

People shouldn't have to preface casual sex with “just so you know I'll never grow any older with you.” It takes the fire out of it.

Willow

Maybe.

Willow, I don't regret what happened. Or what we did. But I am sorry that Buffy's hurting and if I mislead her than I'm sorry for that too I didn't mean to. I'm impressed that you care so much about her. You're a good friend.

Xander

Alright, time to pay up and go home guys.

Xander

Let's see, I'll take this one, and this one. And you know I've always had a problem calculating the tip and you guys being so dapper and brain, maybe you can help me out. Okay great. See if your bill comes to thirty-eight dollars and people tip what, approximately thirty percent? That makes you tip what? (One of the guys gives him all the money). You are so smart. This is so the right amount. (Hears banging in the bathroom). Somebody didn't have their fiber today. Hey are you alright in there? Buddy?

Xander

(jumping up): Hey, hey, easy. We're cool. (They back him into a corner) Help. Oh God. (He pulls out his Zippo lighter and lights it. The Neanderthals are all afraid of the fire and back away)

Xander

Fire angry! (They all run away out the door in fear. Xander closes the door behind them and calls his boss)

They've had it comin (he puts some Black Frost beer on the counter)

you know I've been taking abuse from snot nosed kids for twenty years. They're always coming in here with their snotty attitude, drinking their fruity little micro brews and spouting out some philosophy Like it means a damn thing. Thinking they're different than us. Xander: They are now

Xander

Why are we talking about beer the guys are the beer.

Neat huh? My brother-in-law's a warlock. He showed me how to do it.

Xander

No. No neat. I served them that beer. I served Buffy that beer! Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they start seriously questing for fire?

Relax. It will wear off in a day or so.

Xander

In a day or so someone is going to get killed. You're a bad, bad man.

I didn't see him, is he okay?

Xander

Well, I cut her off before the others so I don't think she had as much to drink.

Giles

I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.

Xander

I didn't know it was evil

Giles

But you knew it was beer

Xander

well excuse Mr. “I spent the sixties in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove”.

Giles

it was the early seventies and you should know better

Xander

I'm not the dad of her. Buffy's a grown up. It wasn't enough to

Buffy

Parker bad

I don't mean this in a bragging way but I do get to know a lot of women

Willow

Well, getting to know people is good.

But I haven't found the one yet. I've yet to find the girl that I can just sit with. Feel totally at ease. Feeling whatever's on my mind. Or even sit with comfortably in silence. Willow, can I tell you something kinda private?

Willow

okay, I mean I feel you've shown me a perspective I haven't really thought much about before. What was it you wanted to tell me?

Just that I've enjoyed talking to you. Here. Tonight.

Willow

Me too. I mean, with you. You know, I'm wondering something. About you.

What?

Willow

Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean with you gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly even to me! You're unbelievable!

What?

Willow

This isn't sharing. This isn't connecting. It's the pleasure principle. That's right I got your number ID boy. The only thing you're thinking about is how long you can jump on my bones

Look, if you think that I'm

Willow

I mean, you men. It's all about the sex! You find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever's necessary just as long as you get the sex. I tell you men haven't changed since the dawn of time.

Willow

You see?

Giles

fascinating really.

Buffy

Want people. Where people go?

Giles

The TV is off.

Buffy

Want! Want people.

Giles

She doesn't appear to be in any danger. Maybe you should stay with her.

Giles

or perhaps she should be left alone.

Buffy

Boy smells nice (she grabs him and snifs him)

Xander

Yeah, I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto. Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off

Buffy

Beer? Buffy want beer

Giles

You can't have beer

Buffy

Want beer

Xander

Giles, don't make cave slayer unhappy

Buffy

Buffy strong

Giles

Yes, Buffy strong

Buffy

Buffy get beer

Giles

Buffy get

Xander

Giles!

Giles

I'm fine. Just get her

Xander

Which way?

Giles

Um, check down there. We have to find her before someone gets hurt.

Xander

Buffy! Buffy!

Xander

Aha can't find the beer. Good. Freshman girls unable to hold the beer shouldn't have it. Get into trouble.

Xander

Hey, we're good. Remember the boy? Boy smells good yeah? Is there any part of Buffy still in there.

Xander

Oh no.

Buffy

Fire bad!

Xander

Buffy?!

Xander

Where the hell is Giles?

Giles

Blonde. Um, about this tall. Walks with a sort of a sideways limp.

Buffy

Bad. Bad.

Xander

Are you alright?

Willow

Buffy's still in there.

Oh God. Help me. I can't breathe. (He sees her). Buffy. Oh god, what do we do?

Xander

Did you guys have enough fun for one night?

Willow

Yes. Please.

Buffy

Buffy tired.

Xander

And was there a lesson in all this huh? What did we learn about beer?

Buffy

Foamy

Xander

Good, just as long as that's clear. Anyways I think that the boys in the car are contained for the time being. This will give them some time to ponder the geo-political ramifications of BEING MEAN TO ME!

Giles

whose van is that?

Xander

I dunno. Wasn't locked.

Buffy. Buffy I I dunno how to say this. I'm sorry for how I treated you before. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry. You were great tonight, really. I might not deserve this but do you think that you could forgive me?