It's Valentine's Day, but Cordelia and Xander's romance has hit a bad patch, since Cordelia is losing status as Head Bitchqueen of Sunnydale High. Desperate to remain popular, she dumps Xander, even though she still loves him. Xander spies Amy Madison use magic to avoid doing homework, so he blackmails her into casting a love spell on Cordelia, so he can dump her to make her feel as bad as he does. However, the spell backfires, and every woman in Sunnydale except Cordelia falls madly in love with Xander — and we do mean madly. Buffy, Joyce, Willow, Jenny, Drusilla and every other woman, including Amy herself, fight amongst themselves for Xander's attention, with Amy turning Buffy into a rat to eliminate some of the competition. Xander runs away to Buffy's house, and is seconds away from being killed by the love-crazed horde, when Giles finally manages to break the spell. Cordelia decides Xander is worth putting up with the catcalls from the rest of the school, and they get back together.
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Xander has bought a silver heart necklace for Cordelia, which he plans to give her at the upcoming Valentine's Day dance at the Bronze in an attempt to introduce some sort of legitimacy into their "relationship." Buffy's less enthused about the dance — in the wake of what happened with Angel, she plans to spend the holiday vegging and pigging out with her mother.
Cordelia finds herself ostracized by her friends, who say they know she's been seeing Xander. Xander notices Amy, the girl whose mother was a witch who switched bodies with her last year, apparently work some sort of witchcraft on Miss Beakman. Ms. Calendar tries to speak to Giles in the hallway, but he avoids her on the pretext of having to speak to Buffy, which in fact he does have to do. It seems that Angel is given to particularly evil acts around Valentine's Day, and Giles warns Buffy to stay in for a few nights, to be safe. Angel is indeed mulling over ways to "show his regard" for Buffy, and is also paying extra-close attention to Drusilla, which really doesn't sit well with the still wheelchair-bound Spike. For now, he just sends Buffy a dozen roses, with a card saying "Soon." At the dance, a well-dressed Xander gives Cordelia the heart necklace, only to be thanked with a break-up. His pain increases the next day, when it is apparent that everyone at school knows that Cordy dumped him. Bitter, he blackmails Amy: He won't tell anyone about her newfound witchcraft if she casts a love spell on Cordelia for him as revenge.
Amy says she needs a personal object to cast a love spell, so Xander demands the necklace back from Cordy and the spell is cast that night. The next day, though, Cordelia is just as snotty as ever to Xander. Xander bitterly stalks off to the library, where to his amazement Buffy offers comfort of a very physical kind. Then Amy interrupts, reporting that she thinks the spell misfired. Then she comes on to Xander, and now he knows something has gone seriously wrong. Rushing home, he finds Willow in his bed, wearing nothing but a flannel shirt. She tries to seduce Xander, but he runs away. He explains his problem to Giles, and Ms. Calendar shows up, ostensibly to make up with Giles but then she starts drooling over Xander. Giles drags her off, ordering Xander to stay put, which he does. Then Buffy arrives, wearing nothing but a raincoat and begging Xander to "open his present." When he refuses, she gets angry, and then Amy arrives, and in a fit of jealousy Buffy punches her. In retaliation, Amy turns Buffy into a rat.
It seems the love spell has affected every woman in Sunnydale except Cordelia, who is attacked by her former friends for dumping their now-beloved Xander. While trying to catch the Buffy-rat in the library, Xander is punched by Oz, who then helps him up and volunteers to help catch the rat. Giles, disgusted with Xander, sends the boy home. On the way he sees Cordelia fighting off the mob and saves her, only to run into a second mob, led by an axe-wielding Willow. "I'd rather see you dead than with that bitch!" Willow sobs. The two mobs clash and in the confusion, Xander and Cordy run off to Buffy's house. Buffy's mom lets them in, but then starts to put the moves on Xander. Cordelia locks Joyce outside and they run up to Buffy's room — where Angel pulls Xander out the window.
Angel clearly plans to leave Xander's corpse as a Valentine's Day gift for Buffy, but Drusilla shows up and saves Xander — but she wants to make him into a vampire! Finally the mobs show up, and Cordy drags Xander away and down into Buffy's basement, where they barricade themselves in. Cordelia realizes that the spell was meant for her, but just then the mob breaks in. Oz trails the Buffy-rat down to the school's basement. Just as the rat nears a mousetrap, and the mob has Xander and Cordy pinned in Buffy's basement, Giles and Amy manage to break the spell. Oz is left with a naked Buffy, and Cordelia tries to convince the bewildered women that it was a scavenger hunt. Although Willow won't speak to Xander, all seems to be relatively normal in Sunnydale once again. And Cordelia stands up to her friends, claiming Xander as her man, "no matter how lame he is!"
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Four Star Mary - "Pain" (From Four Star Mary EP, Four Star Mary Music, 1997; and Thrown to the Wolves, MSG Records, 1999)
The music of Oz's band, Dingoes Ate My Baby, is provided by the band Four Star Mary. Dingoes/FSM play this song on stage at the Bronze at the Valentine's Day dance.
Naked - "Drift Away" (From Naked, Red Ant Records, 1997)
This song plays in the background at the Valentine's Day dance as Cordelia dumps Xander.
Average White Band - "Got the Love" (From AWB, Atlantic Records, 1974)
This is the song playing on the soundtrack as Xander walks through the school hallway in slow motion, with girls staring and guys glaring.
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